How Far Can I Be Thrown Before I Break?
by Cseboss
Summary: (Spoilers) Allen's mute due to his despairing expirences with Neah. Can he find a reason to talk again? And when he does... How long will it take for him to rebound back to the Allen we all know and love? Lemon in Chapter 5! I don't own anything but the plot!
1. Chapter 1

Allen rolled out of bed and fell onto the floor, groaning softly. Allen stretched and yawned, rubbing his silver eyes as he stood up and went into the bathroom. He glanced at the mirror, half-expecting to see the Fourteenth staring back at him, then realizing that obviously, Neah was no longer within him.

He tore his gaze away from that piece of glass, and unbuttoned his nightshirt, revealing completely unscarred, pale skin. He traced the area where he had stabbed himself, not a single mark left after the incident, but somehow, he was still able to feel where it should have been.

He stepped into the shower, running his fingers through his colorless hair, relaxing under the heat of the water. He cleaned his out-of-shape body, completely in silence, as had been his pattern for the last month or so. Gingerly, he ran the sponge over his arm of innocence, wincing at the slight ache permeating throughout his body. The deathly boy finished up, stepping out and wrapping a towel around himself, grabbing his nightshirt and stepping out into his room. He threw the shirt onto the bed, and opened the drawers of his dresser.

He pulled out a white button-up and black jeans, sliding them on and doing up any buttons needed. He took out a black sweater and slipping it over his shirt, leaving the color and bottom of the shirt showing. Grabbing a red tie, he expertly tied it around his collar, not bothering to flip the sides down. He dragged socks and boots onto his feet, then he grabbed a book, left his room and softly strode into the cafeteria. He was greeted enthusiastically by Jerry, the head chef, to which he nodded emotionlessly to, and grabbed his single bowl of cereal and a spoon, sitting down at a lonely table in the back.

He silently ate, keeping his head down towards his food at all times, avoiding looking up even when he heard his name being called.

Someone poked his cheek. "Allen~? Allllllen?"

He looked up finally to glare at the redhead next to him.

"Well someone's grumpy."

"Good morning Allen!" Lenalee interrupted, sitting down across from the white haired boy.

Allen only blinked, then again cast his eyes downwards at his food.

"Still not talking..." Lavi said, glancing over to catch the green haired girl's worried look.

It was silent after that. With Allen no longer talking, and the other two awkwardly not knowing what to say. The former Noah host quickly ate his food, grabbing his book and depositing his bowl at the cleaning line. He trotted over to the library, finding his spot in the far back corner and sitting down, opening his book to the bookmarked page. He spent a couple hours comfortable reading, before glancing at the clock and getting up, heading out of the cozy room to head upwards towards his room. He went in, and placed his book down on his nightstand. He crouched down, and from under his bed he took out a black case, which inside, lay his unassembled flute. He left his bedroom, gently closing the door behind him, and made his way up to Bridget Faye's office, silently sitting down and waiting once inside.

 **So um. First Chapter? I'll probably continue to post chapters for this but, I warn you, since i've already got a good bit of this story written out, that it's kinda is all over the place, mostly because I don't write too often. Sorry bout that. If this were me drawing I would probably be more confident but, it's writing. Anyhow. Thanks for reading this~**


	2. Chapter 2

He didn't have to wait long, for the short haired brunette sighed as she walked in, heels clicking as she placed the unorganized stack of papers on her desk.

"Sorry that I'm late Allen. Komui decided to slack more than usual." She said leaning against the desk to look down on the boy sitting in front of her.

He shifted uncomfortably, giving an awkward smile as a response.

"Well, let's get to the music room, yeah?"

The whitette nodded and stood up to follow her silently, boots hardly making a sound as he walked. Bridget opened the mahogany door to reveal a grand piano sitting in the middle of a marbled floor room, the largest glass windows reflecting sun back and fourth. The brunette sat at the piano, and motioned silently for Allen to put his flute together. He did what she asked, and waited for her to play a note. She played a high G, Allen echoing her, then adjusting his flute as needed. They continued like that until they decided that the wind instrument's tone matched that of the piano, then they began the lesson.

As Allen cleaned out his flute, moving the cloth plunger in and out, Bridget talked about her day, which, being Komui's assistant, was bound to be interesting.

"That slacker..." She sighed, "Unfortunate that I was assigned to him." she glanced over at Allen. "There's... something I've actually been wondering lately."

She sat down next to him on the piano seat. "You're what... sixteen now? You must have someone you fancy."

Allen fumbled with his flute, and stared up at her in surprise.

"Well? Do you?"

The whitette continued to stare, a light blush spread over his pale skin.

"From that reaction, I think you do! That's so adorable!" His blush became heavier at that. Adorable...?

"Hmm. I wonder who it could be. You spend some time with Lenalee... so maybe her?" She looked to him for confirmation, and he slowly and cautiously shook his head.

"Not her? Hm..." She froze for a moment. "Is it possible... that you're attracted to males?"

The pale boy cast his eyes downwards.

"Oh... then. I'm quite positive that I know who."

He glanced at her. "Kanda? Kanda's the only one that treats you the same, and he and you... well, you've gone through a lot together. "

Allen nodded, placing his disarranged flute back into the leather case.

Bridget placed her hand comfortingly on his back, rubbing in a soft circle.

"I won't tell anyone. And just so that you're comfortable, know that I don't care about sexual orientation. I won't sell you out to the church."

He smiled at her appreciatively, standing up and giving her a compassionate kiss on the cheek. She chuckled and brought him into motherly hug, feeling him relax in her arms. The assistant let go, scuffling up his hair as he turned around to leave, flute in hand.

He ran over to his room, a warm buzzing spinning around his heart, making him happier than earlier. He opened the door to his room, and found a sword thrust under his chin.

"Che. About time." He stepped to the side and looked into the dim room.

Kanda was standing in Allen's room, an annoyed look on his face. Said samurai stood up and pulled Allen by his tie, locking the door.

"Why aren't you talking yet? It's fucking annoying."

Allen nearly smiled at that. It seemed that anything the boy did was deemed 'annoying'.

"Che. Talk, Baka Moyashi!"

The colorless boy stayed silent, and wouldn't meet the black haired exorcist's eyes. The older boy sighed. Out of everyone in the order, he understood how Allen was feeling the most. But he'd rather have hell freeze over before he admitted that.

He brought Allen's chin up to face him.

"Don't just shy away from your fucking problems moyashi. You're being even more of a fucking idiot than before!"

The whitette tilted his head in confusion. Or maybe he was questioning why Kanda even cared. The mentioned certainly didn't particularly give a shit which one it was though.

"Are you seriously not going to answer me? Not going to fight me?"

The younger shook his head.

"I want to fucking pommel you. But you know what? I won't. I won't fucking keep trying with you. You're freaking hopeless."

Allen felt a twinge of pain in his chest. Why did he have to fall in love with someone who so clearly hated him? Was he a masochist? Kanda dropped the boy's chin and left the room in a storm. Allen let himself fall to the floor and cover his face with his hands. His body shook as his mentality and mask cracked, tear after tear dripping from his scarred face.

 **Chapter 2~! Woo! it's literally like, 6:00 in the morning right as I'm doing this, and I've been up since 1:00 because I had a nightmare. I ran out of stuff to do so I was just like "Why not post another chapter?". might post two today. depends on how I feel really. Hope ya enjoyed~**


	3. Chapter 3

He didn't come out of his room the next day. Opting to just stay in bed and hide under his sheets. He didn't feel like seeing anyone, not like he would really talk to them anyway. No one came to check on him, even when the time he was normally down for breakfast passed by without a sound. Not even Bridget Faye knocked on his door to ask why he hadn't found her for a music lesson. In short, he finally was able to get the alone time that he found he was craving. He curled into the sheets, letting his mind go wherever it wanted...

"Kanda. Go talk to him."

"No."

"Please?"

"No. It's his freaking choice to stay in there and act like a child."

"You're the one that came to me Kanda! You're the one that's worried about him! The rest of us are, but you've obviously got the most stress over this."

"I don't see your point."

"Kanda. Please."

"Che. No. Lenalee, for the last fucking time. I'm not going to go talk to him!"

The girl's face turned sinister. "I didn't want to do this but... I'll tell my brother that you touched me inappropriately if you don't go and talk to him."

Kanda reeled back in shock and in horror. He had heard what had happened to Bak Chang when he had tried to get flowers to Lenalee. _Flowers_. No way in fucking hell was he going to come to a worse fate than that.

"Fine! I'll fucking do it! Just don't tell Komui that I did anything, when I didn't."

The green haired girl smiled happily. "Thank you Kanda!"

"Che."

 **Sorry for such a short chapter! And sorry in advance for not being able to post as often until the weekend. Anyway. Updates? I guess? I might start a kind of like... shipping fanfiction. I did that on wattpad but sort of gave up because I didn't have any requests. And I might've done too much Yullen. Don't judge me. But honestly I'm down to make one on here. I'll do a crack ship as the opening maybe. only if anyone wants it really. Anyhoo! Hope you enjoyed! See ya~**


	4. Chapter 4

Allen felt himself drifting off to sleep, when the door to his room slammed open, making the boy nearly fall off the bed in shock.

"I'm being forced to do this. So if I'm too rough with you. Blame Lenalee."

Allen dived under the covers, curling into a ball. Nope! He was not going to deal with this right now…

Kanda tore the covers off of Allen's bed."No hiding! You're going TO FUCKING TALK TO ME."

Allen just hid his face in a pillow in silent protest, refusing to answer the beyond pissed man.

"ANSWER ME FOR GOD'S SAKE."

Allen just hid his face in the pillow further, shivering slightly in his nightwear.

"Why won't you fucking answer me you Baka Moyashi. Do you want me to hurt you? Because I will."

The whitette cautiously shook his head to disagree.

"Then answer me. It's simple as fuck. Just FUCKING TALK TO ME!"

Allen threw the pillow, hard, in Kanda's general direction. "THEN AT LEAST CLOSE THE BLOODY DOOR." Allen shouted, his voice gravely and horse from not being used for a very long time.

Kanda caught the pillow and glared at the boy for approximately a minute. He then silently strode over and closed the door. Turning back to him, Kanda finally noticed the condition that the moyashi was in. His white hair was messed up, and his silver eyes were puffy from... what Kanda assumed to be crying. His nightshirt was unbuttoned slightly and hanging off his right shoulder.

"You look like shit."

Allen snorted, as if that wasn't obvious.

"Are you going to be quiet again?"

Allen sighed. "I guess not…"

"What was the point to begin with? Like freaking seriously. You made us all worry. Ya damn idiot." Kanda sat on the bed, a noncommittal look on his face.

"You were worrying about me?"

"Fuck you."

"You said 'we' Kanda. Don't act as if you aren't apart of this."

"Shut the fuck up Moyashi and get to explaining."

"Hostile much?"Allen muttered.

"Moyashi…" Kanda growled.

"Fine! I'll get on with it!"

"Fucking took you long enough."

"Now if you would stop interrupting me, that would be nice."

"Fine."

"Fine!" Allen paused, waiting for some snappy comeback, and when he got none, he continued speaking. "Neah left me with a lot to think about."

Kanda stayed silent, waiting for Allen to continue. When he didn't, Kanda growled in annoyance. "Is that it?"

"Yep."

"You haven't talked for months. Because NEAH LEFT YOU STUFF TO THINK ABOUT?!"

"Pretty much."

"You're bullshitting me."

"I'm not."

"…"

"Is it that underwhelming?"

Kanda thought for a moment, closing his eyes, and then opening them along with asking a question. "What in this world could he have left you to make you like that?"

"That's… I suppose my statement earlier was more general but… "

"But what?"

"I've had a lot of… questioning to do myself. If that's the best way to put it."

"You're being vague. Annoyingly fucking vague."

"Why are you so interested anyway?" Allen blinked. "Why am I even telling you this?"

"I don't have to answer that."

"Then I don't have to tell you anything."

Allen let that sit in the air for a moment. He almost hoped Kanda would leave, and he could go back to being silent. It was surprisingly easier that way.

Kanda on the other hand, was mentally panicking. What should he say? What could he say? Not that he cared what the Moyashi answered with but… god. He did care. This was becoming a problem.

"Kanda?" Allen asked after the silence stretched to an uncomfortable length.

"I'm interested in you."

Allen nearly choked. "What?!"

"Okay. That came out wrong. I mean that you interest me."

"Not helping." Allen coughed.

"You're just taking this the wrong fucking way!"

"I'm only reacting to what you said!"

"And how is what I said even remotely shocking?!"

"Because you're you! You don't say stuff like that! Definitely not to me! You're supposed to hate me remember?"

"Who ever said I hated you Moyashi?!"

"I don't know! Maybe the fact that you've decided to insult me at every turn, and never give me any bloody respect?!"

"That doesn't mean that I hate you."

"Then what does it bloody mean?!"

"This." Kanda, on instinct, because hell, he would never consciously think to do this, roughly pressed his lips against Allen's, muffling the startled shout from his mouth.

He broke away after a while, Allen panting heavily.

"What the hell was that for?!"

"Do you fucking listen?! I. Like. You. It couldn't be more fucking obvious!"

"Well maybe just bloody kissing someone out of nowhere isn't enough to say that!"

"God. Do I have to explain-" Kanda was cut off by a loud knock on the door.

Kanda growled and got up, nearly slamming open the wooden door. "What?!" He shouted angrily at a startled redhead.

"Well I was wondering-"

"Wondering what? Get a fucking move on."

"-if Allen was okay?" Lavi finished, trying to glance around the slightly shorter man.

"Go away."

"But Yuu-chan-"

"Don't you dare fucking use my first name. Now go the fuck away, or, " Kanda unsheathed Mugen, "Do you want me to cut you open?"

"Bye Yuu!" Lavi shouted quickly, already running away. "Hope you help Allen!"

Kanda slammed the door closed.

 **Okay. So I'm really proud of this chapter. For one reason. I included that Kanda was shorter than Lavi. Look it up. And prepare to laugh. Because it's fucking true and it's amazing~ I also feel like I should make a habit out of abusing Lavi. Love him but, it's fun to put him in near "Death by Kanda" situations. Anyway, I should have the next chapter up sometime this weekend... if I can muster up the courage to write it. I've kind of wrote like three chapters after the next one, but not the next one. Because it's a lemon. And I literally have no idea. Anyway, hope you enjoyed, and wish me luck!**


	5. Chapter 5

**-WARNING- This chapter contains a lemon, and yaoi. though you knew about the yaoi part. Hopefully. ANYWAY. If you aren't over the age of like... 12? Then please, don't read this, because chances are, you haven't lost your innocence yet, and I don't want to paint your pretty white canvas. Buuut... if you are 12... and you _do_ read this... I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE! And welcome~ *runs away to end of chapter* **

"…That was quite rude Kanda."

"When have I ever fucking cared?"

"Fair point."

Kanda sighed. "Do you understand?"

Allen blinked in confusion."Understand what?"

Kanda walked over and roughly grabbed his chin. "That, I LIKE YOU! How many times to I have to say it for you to get it through your dense fucking skull?!"

Allen squirmed in his grip. "I get it! I got it the first time you said it. I'm just having trouble believing it…"

Kanda let go. "What's so hard to believe? I've never lied to you before?"

"I… I just can't believe that… that anyone would like me in that way… Much less you of all people."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Kanda. You and I fight every time we spot each other. We hardly get along. And on top of that… we're both male. And," Allen took a shaky breath; he hated thinking about this, "We could get executed for being together. It's a sin."

"So you're not rejecting me?"

"No! Wait. Yes? Bloody hell. Bakanda! Even if I wanted to, we couldn't be together."

"So you are rejecting me?"

Allen face palmed. "I can't believe you."

"Oh really? Never would have guessed."

"You're an insufferable, annoying, irritating jerk."

"Someone's pissed off huh?" Kanda smirked confidently.

"Add egotistical to that list."

Kanda grabbed Allen's chin again, softly. "You never confirmed nor denied my feelings."

"Maybe I don't want to!"

Kanda leaned closer, their breaths mingling.

Allen went silent.

"Well? Reject me." Kanda said, smirking at the appearing blush on Allen's face.

"… I…Uh…" He whispered, out of focus.

"Hm?"

Allen pushed Kanda away and hugged himself. "No. No, I can't do this." He said to himself in a panicked mutter.

"Moyashi…?"

Allen wanted to disappear. He was happy and flattered sure… but there was no way it would work out. No way in bloody hell. Everyone would find out. He would die. Not to mention Kanda would suffer as well because of it. He couldn't and wouldn't put him through that. He would reject him. Properly. He could deal with the heartsickness if it meant not dying…

Kanda grasped the traumatized boy's shoulders. "Moyashi! Calm down!"

Allen wouldn't look at him. "Kanda I… we can't be…"

Kanda kissed him for the second time that night, pushing him down on the bed.

He broke away."I don't care Moyashi. I don't care if we have to run from the order again. In fact, if you're so scared, then I'd have no complaints with running away. Just as long as you just fucking love me, that's enough."

"I… Kanda…"

"Yes?"

"…you're too demanding Bakanda."

Kanda blinked. "What?"

"Do I need to repeat myself? I said-"

"Shut up. I know what you said. But, demanding?"

"You only said that you liked me. You never said love until now." Allen smiled softly, almost teasingly.

Kanda growled. "Of course that's what you pick up on. Out of everything in what I said, you pick that to comment on."

"Oh well…" Allen turned his head to the side again blushing softly,"It was quite um… sweet. But we can't just abandon our friends-"

"What friends?"

"Kanda!"

"What?"

"Stop being rude!"

"Che. They aren't even here."

Allen sighed. "Still. I'm not going to leave them." He said stubbornly.

"Then what do you suppose we do?"

"We?"

"Yes, we. Because whether you fucking like it or not, I'm going to make you mine. I'm tired of this 'hiding feelings and being dense as fuck' shit. "

"K-kanda… that's um…" Allen covered his face in embarrassment.

Kanda pushed a knee up against Allen's groin, making the boy yelp in surprise.

"Kanda… what… what are you…"

"Like I said. I'm going to make you mine."

"That's a pretty vague statement." Allen scoffed.

He unbuttoned Allen's nightshirt, said boy's eyes going wide in realization of what was about to happen to him. Not that he was complaining but…

"Kanda! Wait!"

"No."

Kanda pulled off his shirt, revealing Allen's pale, nude body. "What. You don't sleep with underwear?"

"I…"Allen gulped and grabbed a pillow, hugging it. "I just… I don't see the need?"

Kanda glanced up with a judging stare.

"Oi! At least I don't wear gauze all the time!"

"That was a horrible comeback."

It was silent. "Yeah. Yes it was."

Kanda kissed the boy, stopping any further attempts at conversation. He ran his hands down the surprisingly cold body, rubbing softly here and there, eliciting nearly inaudible moans from Allen.

Kanda snaked his tongue out, poking at Allen's own lips for entrance. Which Allen was quick to deny, pursing his lips in quiet amusement.

Kanda growled. He squeezed his butt, making the him gasp in surprise, giving Kanda all the opportunity he needed to explore his moyashi's mouth with his tongue.

Allen was melting under Kanda's ministrations, slowly relaxing and unconsciously letting him do what he wants. Kanda broke the kiss, leaving Allen panting as he kissed down his neck and chest, stopping to suck on Allen's frigid nipples, making him squirm in pleasure.

Kanda bit down."Ah! K-kanda! That…" Allen shivered at the feelings coursing through his every nerve, moving his hands shakily to take out Kanda's hair tie, running his fingers through the dark locks.

Kanda hummed, kissing down Allen's body further, soon moving his hands downwards to move his thighs apart.

Allen snapped out of his reverie, moving to sit up slightly. "Kanda. W-Wait. We can't. "

"I'm not stopping now Moyashi." Kanda said, moving to thrust his tongue into Allen's ass.

"Ah! Kanda! Wait! P-pleas-Ah!" Allen squirmed, gasping and moaning at the feeling of being violated by the elder's tongue.

Kanda pushed Allen's hips down, still trying to loosen him up some before he stuck anything in there. Allen was probably a virgin after all. Most likely.

Allen was panting heavily and dazed, laying limp on the bed.

"Are you going to stop squirming and cooperate now?" Kanda asked, annoyed beyond belief.

Allen reached out to pull Kanda down for a kiss. "I realize I don't really have a choice but… at least be gentle?"

"I wasn't planning on hurting you if I could help it." Kanda promised, kissing Allen's cheek in uncharacteristic affection.

"You're… acting surprisingly… kind?"

"This is your first time. Is it not?"

Allen blushed. "W-well yeah. I've never d-done anything remotely s-sexual in my life…" "Well there's your reason."

"That's…Okay seriously. Do you have a fever or something? You're acting really bloody weird and it's creeping me out."

Kanda growled. "The one time I try to be nice to you, you decide to fucking question my health. THE ONE FUCKING TIME MOYASHI."

"K-Kanda? Can you g-go back to being nice?" Allen said while observing the situation cautiously.

Kanda grabbed his hair tie that was laying on the bed and tied Allen's wrists together above his head.

"Kanda?!"

He unzipped his pants, throwing them across the room angrily along with his underwear.

Allen's eyes widened. "Kanda what are you going to-" He was cut off by Kanda thrusting two fingers into the boy's ass, causing Allen to shout in surprise and tense up.

"Relax Moyashi. This won't be fucking pleasant for you if you don't."

Allen nodded, clenching his teeth at the already existing pain down there.

Kanda was patient, moving those fingers around as much as he could while waiting for Allen to relax and get into it.

Soon enough, Allen was moaning at every thrust into his body, a heavy red blush covering his face as he exhaled in ecstasy. Kanda subtly added a third and a fourth finger, wanting to make sure that Allen had as little pain as possible.

"Kand-ah! You… I want to t-touch, ngh, you!" Allen moaned, reaching out towards Kanda as best he could, trying to bring the samurai closer.

"Che. Why should I let you?"

"Just… Just let me mhn.."

"Che." Kanda leaned down to give the pleasured boy a kiss, allowing him to wrap his bound arms around Kanda's neck.

Kanda took out his fingers while braking the kiss, grabbing a bottle of lotion, and slicking up his member before lining it up with Allen's ass.

"Are… is that..?" Allen said with a gulp.

"Yep. Remember to not tense up as best as you can. It's going to hurt a fuck ton more that way."

"Can… can I establish something first?"

"What?" Kanda said impatiently. He had waited this long, he'd about had it with this one.

"I love you."

Kanda stared at him. "What the fuck?"

Allen scrunched up his eyebrows. "Is something wrong with that?"

"I said I liked you. Not that I loved you."

Allen's face fell. "Oh." He said dryly.

Kanda lined up his member and pushed in, causing Allen to cry out in shock and pain. He pushed in all the way as quickly as he could, taking his moyashi's virginity as his own.

"I do love… ugh. You're tight. "

Allen pulled on his hair. "Ow! What the hell! And I was just about to say 'I love you' too!"

"Don't say stuff like that. And I love you too, Bakanda!"

"You're so annoying… Does it still hurt?"

"Hmmm…. I don't know… you've been in there for about a minute and a half, so of course it _must_ not hurt!"

"Sarcasm noted."

"God this hurts…" Allen groaned, throwing his head back. "I feel like I'm being split open…"

"Well I mean… technically."

"Shut up Bakanda and just move."

Kanda raised an eyebrow but did as he was told, thrusting quickly into his partner.

Allen gasped, arching his back in pleasure. "There!"

"I already hit it? Damn." Kanda pounded into that same spot, groaning at the constricting feeling surrounding his dick, while the Moyashi was borderline screaming in pleasure. Who knew he liked it rough?

Allen couldn't process exactly what was going on, he just bounced up and down the bed along with Kanda's thrusts into his body, his voice about an octave higher than usual.

"Ah! Ah hah! God- Kanda! Ahh!"

"M-Moyashi…."

"It's ah! It's Allen! Hah… Bakanda!"

"C-Che…"Kanda flipped them over, making Allen cry out as he sunk down onto his member.

"Come on. Move. Allen~"

Allen shivered and moved rapidly, using Kanda's chest as support as he bounced up and down on his lap. "Hah. Hah… Ah! Kanda!"

"Guh… Allen…"

Allen gasped."Kanda! Kanda! I'm… I'm ah! Close! Ahh!"

"I'm… ugh. Getting there…"

"I'm coming!" Allen screamed in ecstasy, arching his back and coming on Kanda's abdomen.

"Ugh… tight…" Kanda groaned and came inside Allen as his partner tightened unbelievably around him.

Allen collapsed onto Kanda, both of them breathing heavily.

Allen swallowed. "I… I hope no one heard… um… that…"

Kanda sat up and lifted Allen off of himself, placing the exhausted boy next to him.

He untied his hands."It doesn't matter. All the better actually. Then they know that you're mine. All fucking mine. "

Allen hummed in satisfied agreement. "I love you, Kanda."

Kanda kissed his head and brought him into an embrace."I love you too Moyashi."

"It's… Allen…" Allen muttered, drifting off to sleep.

 ***sips tea* Well. I just wrote this. This just happened. And I am so. So sorry for what I have created. Well hey. At least I already have up to chapter 9 written after this so... yay? I'm so tired. I literally had to keep correcting myself while I wrote this. like, I would write a paragraph, then pop onto skype to message my girlfriend, then come back, and notice some absolutely dumb error. Also, not sure if anyone's noticed, but my Allen doesn't swear, kinda. (Kanda honestly swears enough for the both of them, like fucking really). Next chapter's gonna be short btw. mostly because it's leading up to shit. So. hope you enjoyed! See ya!**


	6. Chapter 6

Allen groaned, pushing himself slowly up from bed. A dull ache permeated his lower back, making him regret his earlier…choices. He hoped no one would figure anything out.

"Finally awake are you?" Kanda startled Allen out of his thoughts, forcing him to try and adjust his eyes to the lighting.

Kanda was buttoning up some type of… Japanese outfit? Allen could only guess that's what it was. He wasn't exactly an expert.

"Moyashi?"

"It's Allen." He dully snapped back, falling into his old pattern.

"Grumpy are we?"

"Shut up. My arse hurts. Which is your fault by the way."

"You didn't seem to be protesting."

Allen grumbled lowly under his breath about various things as he got up, slowly, and headed towards the bathroom, hobbling like an old man.

Allen yawned, expertly doing up his red tie, while leaning against a wall of the empty room. The shower helped with the pain, slightly. At least enough to not have him wincing every time he took a step forward. Kanda also seemed to have left, which was a plus in Allen's mind. He didn't want to deal with that idiot right now.

It was almost like a hangover, he mused, humming as he hung up his white towel on a hook in the bathroom. Well. Not really. The pain yeah, and the tiredness were the same, but the nausea was the only downside he was missing from that comparison. Allen shuddered. He should stop remembering things that involved his master. Those memories alone were giving him a stomach ache.

There came a knock on the door. To which he would have answered, if not for the impatient person outside deciding to just barge in without warning.

"I brought tea."

"Oh my. How considerate of you!"

"Shut up and drink. "

"Fine…" Allen mumbled, taking the cup from Kanda's hand.

"It's Earl Gray. I figured you might like it. Since you're British."

"Stereotypes much?"

"Do you like it?"

"Well… I mean. Yes. I do."

"Drink it then."

He took a sip. "What did you put in it?"

"Milk. That's it."

Allen hummed in satisfaction. "Good."

Kanda took light sip of his own tea, watching his Moyashi visibly relax.

"Do you feel better now?" Kanda asked, placing his cup down on a table near the window.

Allen sighed, sitting in a chair next to that same table. "I suppose. I've felt worse."

Kanda sat in the chair opposite him. "You never did share the specifics of why you were like that with me."

"And who's fault is that?"

"…Fair point."

Allen put down his cup. "I don't mind telling you but, I don't plan on telling the others."

"That's perfectly fine with me. I don't care if they know or not."

He took a deep breath. "Where do I start…"

 **Sorry for the short chapter! I did warn ya tho... welp. Next chapter should be up this week! Maybe! Probably. Because I have nothing better to do with my life. This is literally a fucking short chapter jeez... Welp! I might post one tomorrow? Maybe even another one tonight? Idk honestly. We'll see I guess. I hope you enjoyed! See ya!**


	7. Chapter 7

_"Mana!" Neah crouched over his brother, who was currently convulsing on the floor. "Mana. I'm going to get a doctor. You're bleeding and-"_

 _"Ne..ah. Don't."_

 _"Don't?! Why?!"_

 _"Trust.. Me…"_

 _"But-" Neah was cut off by a blinding light, and was knocked unconscious._

"Wait. What? That makes no sense. Wasn't Neah a Noah? Shouldn't he be having these problems?" Kanda asked, confused.

"Well. If you would allow me to continue, I was getting to that, Bakanda."

"Che. Go on then."

 _Several years later, Neah was leaning against a wall in a musty alleyway, muttering complaints under his breath._

 _"An overcoat. In the middle of fucking summer. Good fucking idea Neah."_

 _He looked over at a nearby trash can. "Maybe I can just throw it in there. Along with the Noah aspect of myself."_

 _He sighed. "I really envy Mana right now. At least his Noah aspect separated from his body. I'm stuck, like this. "_

 _"Talking to yourself again?"_

 _"Ah!" Neah jumped in shock at the female's voice. "Road! Don't fucking scare me like that!"_

 _She giggled. "It's your fault for getting distracted. "_

 _"Just… Have you finished what you needed? I'm tired of waiting. "_

 _"Yup! I'm done. You don't have to bodyguard me anymore!"_

 _"Thank Noah for that. Why does the Millennium even give me this job?"_

 _"I have no clue. I certainly don't like it either. You don't even participate!"_

 _Neah narrowed his eyes. "Why should I?"_

 _Road sighed. "Let's just go home."_

 _Neah turned away. "Yeah… home."_

"So… both Neah and Mana were Noahs? But the same thing that happened to you happened to Mana?"

"Pretty much."

"But then who's the Noah that got separated from Mana?"

"Can you just save your questions until I'm finished?" Allen asked, exasperated.

"No."

 _"He's already fixated on Mana, Neah. If you leave, there is no guarantee that he'll live."_

 _"But. There's a chance yeah? If I leave, I could protect him."_

 _"The problem with that is that, Mana and the Millennium, they're connected. Unless you can somehow shatter that connection, you won't be able to hide him for long. "_

 _"He'll… he'll be focused on me though, right? Because I left?"_

 _"For a while. You might have a shot if you can hide Mana, and then lure the Millennium away from him."_

 _"Okay. Okay! I can do this!" Neah took a deep breath. "Thank you Wisely. "_

 _"No problem. But seriously. If you can find a way to somehow cure Milleny's denial… please do it. It's making him insane."_

 _"I will. Trust me."_

 _"Good Luck."_

"Neah seems desperate." Kanda remarked.

"I told you to save your questions for after I finished!"

"That wasn't a question."

"God you're annoying!"

"Just continue Moyashi. "

"It's Allen Bakanda!" Allen said angrily.

"Just fucking continue!"

 _Neah shook Mana awake. "Mana?"_

 _"Ne…ah?"_

 _"Mana. We're leaving. I need to hide you."_

 _Mana was awake in an instant. "What? Why? Where?"_

 _"I just… I can't tell you that. Not until you- we're, safe. "_

 _"You were about to say 'you're'."_

 _"Mana! Please!"_

 _Mana got out of bed, grabbing a suitcase. "Fine. Let's go."_

"…"

"What. No snappy commentary?"

"Shut up and continue."

 _"Mana!" Neah screamed, quickly trying to cover his brother's body with his own as the Earl's sword came down upon them._

 _It never came. Neah had braced himself for impact, but it never came. When he looked up, he saw a long haired redhead who was a horrible person who should go die in a hole-_

"Moyashi!"

"What?"

"Stop projecting your hatred for Cross and fucking get on with it."

 _Ahem. When he looked up, he saw a long haired redhead, who seemed to be blocking the blow with some kind of… doll?_

 _"Oi idiot. Get up off of your ass and do something." The redhead snapped._

 _"I don't have to be ordered around by your like." Neah protested, standing up and snapping his fingers, sending a shockwave through the ground, knocking the Earl back into a building, making it collapse on him._

 _"Hmph." The man grumbled, "You coulda done better boy. "_

 _"Who are you to fucking talk? You hardly did anything!"_

 _Mana weakly placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Neah. Calm down. He saved us."_

 _"Still-"_

 _"Thank you sir. I apologize for causing you trouble."_

 _"Mana-"_

 _"It wasn't a problem. Are you injured?" The man asked, his doll disappearing._

 _Mana shook his head. "What is that doll thing that was with you?"_

 _"Doll? That's no doll boy. That's a living corpse."_

 _"C-corpse?!"_

 _"You're an Exorcist. Aren't you?" Neah stated bluntly._

 _"I am. And you're a Noah. Obviously. " The redhead answered, just as blunt._

 _The two glared at each other, sparks seeming to fly between them._

 _"I'm Neah. Nice to meetcha." Neah said enthusiastically, holding out his hand for a shake._

 _"Cross. And likewise." He shook his hand. "Now. You owe me. So come with me."_

"I've noticed something." Kanda said.

"What?"

"Every time you pause, when you go back to telling the story, it's not where you stopped."

"This was all given to me in fragments. I'm just relaying what I saw."

"Huh. Okay then."

 _"Neah!" Mana cried out, holding his deceased brother in his arms._

"Woah woah woah. Stop. What the hell happened?" Kanda interrupted.

Allen shrugged. "I don't know. "

"And wait. How do you even know this? I thought these were Neah's memories?"

"They are. I assume that he's watching all of this as a ghost."

"Is that even fucking possible?"

"I have no clue."

Kanda sighed. "Just continue, I won't interrupt anymore."

 _"Oi Mana! Go fucking hide! You can mourn your brother later!"_

 _Mana nodded through his grief and ran for shelter, curling into a ball and covering his head._

 _After an hour or so, the fighting finally stopped, and everything was silent. Mana peeked out of his hiding spot, peering at the wreckage._

 _"Cross…?" He called softly, his voice echoing throughout the area._

 _He received no answer, silence parading around his skull._

 _He bit his lip, and stepped over to his chill brother, crouching down next to him. He studied his deathly pale complexion, moving to close his golden eyes._

 _Something very small fluttered up beside him. A golden winged creature. "Who… who are you little guy?" Mana asked the creature who now perched comfortably atop his head._

 _The creature flapped it's golden wings once, then took off, flying towards who-knows-where._

 **Allen: So... why are we here?**

 **Kanda: How the hell would I know?**

 **Neah: It's because Rei-chan got bored with writing boring old author's notes. So she's forcing us to end it out instead.**

 **Allen: But... I have places to be... and things to eat...**

 **Kanda: Che. Is that all you ever fucking think about?**

 **Allen: Yes.**

 **Kanda: Wha-**

 **Neah: So anyway! Rei doesn't own anything, and she hopes you enjoyed! *on the phone* Is that all of the weak ass shit you wanted me to say?**

 **Allen: Neah! That's rude! She just wants people to be entertained!**

 **Kanda: I agree. With Neah.**

 **Allen: Kanda! *goes over to closet and grabs Rei's arm* Let's go get food Rei! So that we don't have to deal with these meanies!**

 **Kanda: She was in there the whole fucking time?!**

 **Neah: What? You didn't know?**

 **Kanda: Are you fucking with me?**

 **Neah: *wiggles eyebrows* Not unless you want me to~**

 **Kanda: *wields Mugen***

 **Neah: Fuck.**

 **~Neah will no longer be appearing in these endings- oh wait. He will be. As a corpse on the floor~**


	8. Chapter 8

_"Stop that!" A brunette boy snapped, slapping away Mana's hand._

 _"Do you not like clowns?"_

 _"Hell no!"_

 _"Aw…"_

 _The boy stared at the dog's grave. "Aren't ya sad?"_

 _"I'm so sad I could die." Said Mana as he pretended to hang himself._

 _"Gah! Stop it weirdo!" The boy shouted._

 _The boy again turned his attention to the grave. "He… came up to me n' licked m'hand… " Tears fell from the brunette's eyes, and he cried, shouting out in anguish._

 _Mana only smiled, and rubbed the boy's back, soon walking off with him, deciding that he would adopt this boy._

 _"Neah." Mana said to himself."If you can hear me… I want you to make Allen your host. He's strong enough to separate from you when you awaken. I think. So please…"_

 _"Alright. I won't say no to my brother. And besides, I quite like my niece anyway." Neah muttered._

 _"Mana!" Allen called, "I've got the newspaper!"_

 _"Thank you Allen." Mana said, taking the rolled up papers from the boy._

 _As Allen ran off to go explore the new room, Mana unfurled the papers, scanning through the news._

 _It seemed that the Black Order had made the news. Hundreds of Finders had recently died on a mission, and their families and friends were in mourning all across the world._

 _They also had been seemingly executing troublemakers, that when Mana looked down the list of names, included several Noah._

 _Meanwhile, the Black Order had said nothing about the incidents. Only posting a missing advertisement for and Exorcist by the name of "Cross Marian"._

 _Speaking of Exorcists, Mana glanced at Allen. Even though he wasn't a Noah, or an Exorcist, even he could guess at what that arm was. He wondered what the effects of that would be on Neah…_

 _"What if it kills you?" Mana asked, tapping his pencil against paper._

 _"It won't if I'm careful. I just need to bide my time. I don't want to try to take him over yet. I don't think he could take it right now." Neah answered, hovering ghostly near to the bed._

 _"But still-" Mana was cut off by the door opening, revealing Allen._

 _"Mana… who the hell is that? Why does he look like you? Why is he see-through?!"_

 _"Allen.." Mana started._

 _"I'm Neah. Your adoptive uncle."_

 _"Neah!" Mana protested._

 _"My… uncle? Why the hell are ya see through then?"_

 _"I'm not technically alive."_

 _Allen's eyes widened in fear, and he promptly fell to the floor, unconscious._

 _"Allen?" Mana called, lightly shaking the boy._

 _He groaned and sat up, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. "M'head hurts."_

 _He turned to Mana, tilting his head slightly. "Why was I asleep? I don't remember fallin' asleep…"_

 _"Do you remember anything before that?"_

 _"Not really? The last thing I remember is walkin' home."_

 _Allen sat in front of Mana's grave, looking as dead as the man buried below him._

 _"You want him back, don't you~?" Allen looked up absently at a odd looking man, nodding solemnly._

 _"Well, just say his name, and your wish will be granted!"_

 _Allen came to life a bit, answering the man with his adoptive father's name. Lightning seemed to strike the dark matter skeleton, engraving Mana's name into the back of it's skull._

 _"Allen… how could you.." Mana cried accusingly, bringing his new arm up into the air, "I curse you!" He brought it down, slashing a line down Allen's left eye and cheek. Allen screamed in pain, clutching at the left side of his face._

 _His left arm suddenly grew larger, growing claws and clambering towards Mana, dragging Allen along for the ride._

 _"No. No! Stop! Mana! Run away! RUN AWAY FATHER!"_

 _The arm came down onto Mana's new form, "I love you, Allen."_

 _With one strike, the innocence claimed it's first akuma kill._

Allen sat back and coughed into his fist, not making eye contact with Kanda. "My throat isn't used to this kind of abuse."

Kanda stood up and grabbed the tea cups. "I'll make some more tea then."

"Thank you."

Kanda left, leaving Allen to stare out the window at the morning sunlight.

 **Allen: SPRING BREAKKKK!**

 **Kanda: What the fuck are you going on about?**

 **Allen: Rei finally has spring break! I'm happy for her!**

 **Kanda: *sighs* You're weird.**

 **Allen: Why am I weird?! I just feel happy for her because she's been under a lot of stress lately-**

 **Kanda: That's her own damn fault. She was the one who put all that fucking stress onto herself. The idiot.**

 **Allen: ...you're so rude Bakanda.**

 **Kanda: *rolls eyes* Che. Anyway. Rei doesn't own any of us or DGM, blah blah blah. You get the gist of it.**

 **Allen: She also wanted to say sorry for the short chapter!**

 **Kanda: She's such a pushover.**

 **Allen: Kanda! Why is it that all you do is insult people?!**

 **Kanda: She deserves it.**

 **Allen: HOW?!**

 **Kanda: Che. I'm leaving. *leaves***

 **Allen: KANDA. WAIT AND EXPLAIN YOU BLOODY IDIOT. *chases after him***


	9. Chapter 9

**Well. It's been awhile huh? If you can't tell, I'm taking this story off hiatus. YAY.**

 **Kanda: About time.**

 **Allen: Even I was getting a bit bored.**

 **Shut up you two. Anyway. Here's a new chapter. I'll try and update this regularly btw. At least until I've run out of my prewritten material. When that happens... we'll have to see. Anyway. Enjoy the chapter, and as always, I don't own any of the characters; that belongs to Hoshino-sensei.**

Lenalee poked at her breakfast, her head resting on her hand.

"Something wrong Lena?" Lavi asked, swallowing a bite of food.

"I'm worried. I haven't seen Allen nor Kanda all morning."

"I'm sure they'll be fine! Don't worry too much."

She stabbed a piece of chicken. "I can't help it. I care for them. They're like family."

Lavi sighed. "I think I worry more for Allen than for Yuu right now."

"Why?"

"I knocked on Allen's door last night, and Yuu answered. He seemed about ready to kill someone."

Lenalee was pale. "We have to go check on them. Allen's not in the mental state to…"

"Lenalee. Calm down. Allen can handle himself."

Lenalee stood up. "I'm checking on them. And you can't stop me."

"Here." Kanda said, placing Allen's second cup of tea on the table.

"Thanks."

Kanda sat across from him again, taking a sip from his own cup. "You've been through hell and back huh?"

Allen chuckled dryly. "Yeah. I guess so."

"Does it… bother you to remember it?"

"It…" Allen looked out the window."It's kind of melancholy. I had good memories with him but… his death just puts a sour taste over all of it."

"I understand how you feel."

"Really?"

"It's really fucking similar to my story with Alma. Yeah, I enjoyed myself while he was alive, and I had countless more memories before we were second Exorcists, but everything that happened put a major depression on that." Kanda explained.

Allen glanced back at Kanda and took a sip of tea. "You're…acting quite weird today Kanda."

"How so Moyashi?"

"It's Allen. And well, you seem more…" Allen struggled to grasp the word,"open…?"

"It's your own fault."

"How is it my fault?!" Allen whined.

"Che."

There was a knock on the door.

"This seems familiar." Allen remarked getting up to open the door.

"Kanda! Is Allen-" Lenalee worriedly said as the door fully opened.

"Am I what?" Allen asked, a small smile on his face.

Her eyes turned glassy. "Allen… you're…"

Kanda came up from behind him. "What do you want Lenalee?" He said gruffly, still holding his teacup.

The girl fell to her knees, crying.

"Lenalee?!" Allen called, panicked. "Are you okay?! Did something happen?!" He crouched down next to her.

"Che. Baka Moyashi. You've forgotten that you went mute for a good while."

Allen looked up to Kanda, then back down at Lenalee. "Oh."

Bridget came around the corner. "I heard yelling. Is everything alright?" She noticed Allen. "Ah! You're better I presume?"

He stood up. "Yes. I you for asking."

"That's good! When do you-" It finally hit her mid-sentence, her face becoming pale with shock. "You…" the woman stumbled and fainted to the floor.

"Bridget!" Allen scrambled over to her, trying to shake her awake.

Lenalee sniffled and stood back up, rubbing her eyes. "We should *hic* get her to the infirmary."

Allen nodded silently, terrified to continue speaking.

Kanda gave Allen his teacup and hoisted Bridget over his shoulder. "Let's go. "

Allen blinked, staring down at Kanda's tea. "Oh! My tea! Let me get my tea…"

Now happily carrying two cups of tea, Allen walked alongside Lenalee, chatting about various things.

"So… you're really going to start talking again?" Lenalee asked for the millionth time.

"Yes! I am. Do you not trust me when I say so?"

"It's just hard to believe. What exactly did Kanda do to make you start talking?"

"Uh… well…"

"Oh my goodness! What have you done to poor Bridget!" Screamed the nurse accusingly.

"Um-" Allen tried to explain, getting cut off once again.

"Allen! Hey! It's been a bit! How are you doing?" Johnny asked, bounding up to them.

"I'm-"

"Heya Yuu-chan! Oh! And Allen's come out of his room!" Lavi lazily said, sauntering towards their growing group of people.

"Don't you fucking dare use my first name Baka Usagi!" Kanda yelled, unsheathing Mugen.

"Wah! Have mercy!" Lavi shouted, running to shelter himself behind Lenalee from a seething Kanda.

Allen recoiled from everyone. He wanted to go back up to his room to hide. This was not good for his health.

Allen slowly began inching towards the wall, hoping to get as far away from everyone as possible.

"Lavi! Don't hide behind me. It's your own fault that Kanda's mad at you. Face him!" Lenalee scolded, pushing Lavi out in front of her.

"You didn't have to call him by his first name Lavi." Johnny remarked.

"Everyone's against me… oh wait! Allen! You're not against me- Allen?" Lavi looked for the whitette, but he was nowhere to be found.

Kanda sheathed Mugen. "Where did the Moyashi go?"

Lenalee looked down. "I think… we drove him away."

Johnny frowned. "He seemed better though? I mean, when I asked him my question, he was about to answer."

"Ehhhh?! Moyashi-chan is talking again?!" Lavi exclaimed in shock.

Lenalee nodded. "We were having a conversation on the way here, but I think he and Kanda have been talking all morning. "

"We have." Kanda confirmed reluctantly. Kanda blinked. "Wait. That bastard took my tea with him." He growled and stalked off back the way they came.

"Yuu seems off." Lavi said in confusion.

"It might be because of what he and Allen talked about?" Johnny suggested.

"Maybe."

"Anyway. I'm surprised to see you Johnny. I heard that you've had a lot of work recently." Lenalee said.

"Ah actually. That's what I'm here for. I need to get an updated list for all of your measurements. You four were the last I needed. "

"Even Allen? I thought that he was out of action for a while?"

"Actually. He's physically back in shape according to his check ups. Kind of. At least enough to take a mission. We were kind of waiting for him to start speaking again. "

"Ah…"

"Oi Moyashi! Let me in!"

"No!"

"Then at least give me my fucking tea!"

"Go away!"

"I swear to god…" Kanda grumbled and walked away, making sure to make his footsteps extra loud. After he was far enough away, he silently stepped back in front of the door.

"Is he gone…?" Allen said to himself as he opened the door, only to yelp when he was shoved back inside, the door closing behind them.

"What the hell-" Kanda muffled his next word with his mouth. Allen struggled for a bit, before finally giving in and closing his eyes.

Kanda broke the kiss. "Calm now?"

"Hell no."

"Well then, I guess I'll just have to keep going-"

"NO! Please don't. I'm calm. Totally calm."

Kanda smirked and kissed his cheek. "You're burning up."

"Shut up. And don't kiss me."

Kanda turned serious. "Why did you run away?"

Allen sat on his bed with a sigh. "It was getting claustrophobic and just plain uncomfortable. It was too much."

Kanda grimaced. "Sorry."

Allen stared at him like a deer caught in headlights. "What did you just say?"

"I said sorry."

"What?"

"I said sorry. S-O-R-R-Y." Kanda answered, annoyed.

"No. I know what you said. But… why? And what hell is going through your mind for you to say 'sorry' to me of all people?"

Kanda was exasperated as he sat next to Allen. "I answered this yesterday."

"I never asked this yesterday."

"It was a similar question."

"I still never asked that."

"Do you like putting yourself down by the way?" Kanda asked.

"Oi! Answer my bloody question first!"

"Why should I?"

"Because it's more important."

"I don't think it is."

"I do."

"Moyashi! Answer mine and I might answer yours."

" 'Might'?"

"Maybe, possibly, do you need more synonyms?"

"Stupid Kanda…" Allen muttered under his breath.

"Answer Moyashi."

"It's Allen! And fine."

"Well?"

"I'm getting to it…" Allen thought for a moment. "What was the question again?" Allen said blankly.

Kanda face palmed. "Do you like putting yourself down?"

"Eh? God no. When have I put myself down?"

"You've asked multiple questions now that have the statement 'me of all people' in it. Which insinuates-"

"Yeah yeah! I get it. I guess… I have been…"

"You didn't even notice yourself doing it? "

Allen shook his head slowly. "No. I did not."

Kanda sighed. "You're such a fucking idiot."

"I know."

Kanda flicked his cheek. "You're doing it again."

"I know."

"You… actually don't have a lot of self-confidence, do you?"

"Probably not. "

He sighed. "The answer to the question you asked me is that I like you."

"Again?"

"I feel as though one of my previous points has been validated."

"Shut up Bakanda."

"Right back at you Moyashi."

Allen cracked a smile. "I hate you."

"I hate you too."

Kanda slid his hand over to grasp Allen's, squeezing slightly.

"Kanda?"

"Hm?"

"...can I... talk to you?"

Kanda turned towards him, "About what?"

"About… " Allen looked at him helplessly.

"Moyashi. Be more clear."

"Can I talk to you about anything?"

He blinked. "What? Why?"

"Because… I just want to! Is there something wrong with that?!"

"Now you're the one who's acting weird."

Allen huffed in annoyance, then became awfully silent.

"What? What's wrong Moyashi?"

"What… what am I to you?"

That question caught Kanda off guard.

"Well?" Allen looked at Kanda expectantly.

"What do you want to be to me?" Kanda asked gruffly.

"I…" Allen thought for a moment. "Boyfriend seems like a stupid word that I don't want to use. So… lovers? Partners?"

"Old fashioned aren't you?"

"You were the one that asked!"

"Che. Just use whatever you want Moyashi. All the world needs to know is that you're mine."

"Possessive, aren't you?" Allen mimicked.

"Shut up Moyashi."

Allen flopped back onto the bed. "Are we ever going to be normal? Like… is it ever going to all just end? The war… the fighting… will we ever see the end of it?"

"I don't know Moyashi. I don't think anyone does at this point. "

"Thanks for the encouraging words."

"Che. I don't want to say this, but we've just got to trust that everything will turn out fine."

"Hm…"Allen put his arms over his eyes. "Trust…"

"Moyashi? Is something wrong? Because you'd better fucking tell me if there is."

Allen chuckled. "No. Just thinking a bit."

"About what?" Kanda leaned over Allen.

"Well I don't know…" Allen wrapped his arms around Kanda's neck, "Maybe I was thinking about what you said."

"That's obvious."

"Don't ruin the moment Kanda." Allen brought him down for a kiss, just as the door burst open.


	10. Chapter 10

"Uhhhh…" Lavi stalled as he made eye-contact with the two.

"L-Lavi. T-this… this isn't-" Allen stuttered.

"It's exactly what it looks like." Kanda interrupted.

"Kanda!"

"What? I don't care if he knows."

"But I do! What if-"

"You two… You're dating?" Lavi asked, still slightly in shock.

"Yup. So don't you dare fucking touch him baka usagi!" Kanda threatened.

"Kanda!"

"What this time Moyashi?"

"Just… agh! Get off of me Bakanda!"

Kanda obliged, moving to sit up on the bed just as Lenalee popped her head in the room.

"I heard shouting?"

"Lena! Guess what? They're dating!"

Lenalee looked back and forth between Lavi and the two on the bed, surprise slowly making its way onto her face.

She smiled. "I'm happy for you two."

Allen blinked. "What? You're not… not disgusted…?"

"Why would I be disgusted? Love shouldn't be dependent on gender. Love is love. " Lenalee answered, moving over to the bed to give Allen a hug.

She pulled away. "Besides. I already knew that you two liked each other!"

"WHAT?!" Allen shouted, falling off the bed in shock.

"So did I." Said Bridget, who had, at sometime, entered the room.

"Oh Bridget! We should have teamed up! That would've been fun~!" Lenalee exclaimed, taking the woman's hands into her own.

Allen hid under the bed.

"Look what you two hellions have done!" Kanda exclaimed, bending over the side of the bed to see underneath.

"Wait." Lavi put his hands out in a 'stop' gesture. "I'm happy for ya and all but… isn't two men being together a sin?"

"Che. Do you think we care baka usagi?"

"I do…" Muttered Allen from under the bed.

"Moyashis don't get a choice in the matter."

"Shut up, Bakanda."

"Why don't you?" Kanda asked, pulling Allen out from under the bed.

"No! Let me go Bakanda!" Allen struggled, quickly pulling Kanda off of the bed and onto him.

"Ow…"

"Are you two okay?" Lenalee said, walking around the bed.

She gasped, and Allen looked up at her. "What?"

"You… your positions…"

Allen looked at himself and Kanda, and blushed heavily. Kanda was holding himself above Allen, his knees in-between his legs.

"K-Kanda! Get off o-of me!" Allen squirmed as Lavi and Bridget came to stand next to Lenalee.

"Hm. No. I think this is perfect."

"What?! What's perfect?! Get off of me you id-" Allen's voice was cut off by Kanda shoving his tongue down his throat, making him whimper in protest.

Allen closed his eyes in defeat. There was no way he was getting out of this one. Not unless one of the three people watching them were to help.

Kanda grabbed Allen's arms with one hand and moved them to wrap around his neck, as he moved to kiss down Allen's.

Allen, who had now forgotten that there were people watching, moaned wantonly, pulling Kanda in closer and arching his head back.

"Um… if you want us to leave…" Lavi said uncomfortably.

Allen jolted out of his pleasure and pushed Kanda away. "No! No. It's fine. I'm sorry about that."

Kanda growled. "Moyashi. Who said you could just push me away?"

Allen stood up and brushed himself off, flustered. "It doesn't matter. You can't just attack me like that when there are others in the room Kanda!"

"Do you think I fucking care?"

Allen sighed. "Can you all leave now? I want to take a nap."

Lenalee hugged Allen softly. "Sleep well Allen!"

"See ya! Come on Yuu-chan!" Lavi exclaimed, dragging a tempered Kanda out of the room.

"I do have some paperwork to get done, so I'll talk to you later Allen." Bridget said simply, following after the two boys.

"Hey Allen? One thing before I go."

Allen pulled away to look at her. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry. For… for not coming after you. For not trying to help… I'm really sorry…" Lenalee mumbled, burying her face in Allen's chest.

He ran his fingers through her hair. "It's okay. There really wasn't much anyone could do anyway. You saw what happened when Kanda tried to help."

"Allen… thank you."

"For what?"

"For forgiving me. Even when I don't deserve it."

"Lena… don't blame yourself," He kissed her cheek. "You're amazing okay? I'm glad that you were the one who saw me off when I left the order. You gave me some home left to come back to when it all was over. Even if I just couldn't… talk to you about it. "

"You told Kanda. Didn't you? About what happened?" Lenalee asked, placing her hand on his cheek.

"I… I did. Is that okay?"

She nodded. "I don't mind not knowing what happened. It's your choice to share what happened to whomever you please. So don't worry about upsetting me by not saying anything about it. "

Allen brought her into another hug. "This is why I say you're amazing. "

She giggled, wrapping her arms around him tightly. "You're like a little brother to me Allen. I care for you a lot. "

"Hm. So like. Bridget's my mum, because she certainly treats me like a son, you're my sister…"

"And Komui-niisan is your brother!"

"Hell no. There's no way he's going to be my brother. "

Lenalee laughed. "I'm going to go ask him~!"

"Please don't Lena."

Lenalee broke the hug and walked to the door, "Get some sleep Allen. You've been walking with a slight limp~." She teased, leaving the room and shutting the door.

"Slight… limp?" Allen wondered, then a look of horror crossed his face, making him get into bed and hide under the covers in embarrassment.

 **Lavi: Hey Yuu-chan?**

 **Kanda: What was that baka usagi? *unshetheing mugen***

 **Lavi: Eep! Uh uh Kanda? Why are you acting so possesive and lovey dovey all of a sudden?**

 **Kanda: When was that ever your fucking business?**

 **Lavi: Well I was just wondering-**

 **Kanda:** ** _When was that ever your business?_**

 **Ahem. As Kanda proceeds to murder Lavi in the background... I hope you enjoyed, and I don't own anything except the story! Oh! And I've created a Chapter 0 for this story. Sorta a prologue. I'll be publishing it as a seperate story sooo, I hope you try to give it a read. Thanks for reading!**


	11. Chapter 11

Allen groaned, sitting up from bed and stretching. He wiped the tears away from his eyes and sighed.

"Nightmares again… and it just gets worse and worse… doesn't it?" Allen muttered shakily to himself, testing out his voice for the day.

He shuffled into his bathroom, unbuttoning his nightshirt and throwing it somewhere along with his pants. He turned on the shower and hopped in, closing the curtains behind him.

He let his back fall back in a slouch against the wall as the hot water cascaded down over him, relaxing his tense muscles. He took deep breaths, trying to calm his rising fear and anxiety.

He spent about 10 minutes like this, trying desperately to calm his frantic mind and heart. Soon, his hyperventilating ceased, and his shaky hands began to relax.

He took one final shaky breath of relief before proceeding to take his shower as if nothing had just happened.

He finished up quickly and stepped out of the shower, his fingers wrinkled much like raisins. He wrapped a towel around himself and grabbed his toothbrush and paste; squeezing the tube onto the brush and sticking it in his mouth. He impatiently went through the normal actions and promptly set his toothbrush back into it's holster; picking his clothes up from the floor and leaving the room.

He threw said clothes onto the bed and glanced at the clock. Groaning at the early timing, he opened to drawer to his dresser and picked out a black button down and a red tie, along with a belt and black pants. He put everything on, adding the finishing touch of his boots not long after.

Again glancing at the clock, he took a couple books and left, trotting down to the library to read until Jerry was up and about.

He opened the doors, immediately finding that he wasn't alone.

"Moyashi-chan! " Lavi called cheerfully.

Allen walked over and sat down across from the redhead. "Good Morning." He greeted curtly.

"Mornin', " Lavi responded, "What brings you down here this early?"

"Ah. I had a nightmare. "

Lavi's eyes widened in concern. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I lied, lowering my gaze down to my open book, "It's not like I've never had a nightmare before."

"You sure? It's not bothering you or anything?"

Allen looked back up at his friend and forced a smile. "I'm okay. Really."

Lavi yawned."Fine, fine. I won't press ya anymore. Whatcha reading?"

"Ah um… The Murders in the Rue Morgue? Lena recommended it to me. "

"Oh that's a good one! Did you know-"

"Lavi. Please. Just let me read it without all of the 'fun facts' or whatever. "

"Aww party pooper!"

Allen shook his head in exasperation. "Well what are you reading?"

"A Christmas Carol."

Allen stared at him in silence.

"What?" Lavi asked.

"A Christmas Carol. In August?"

"Yeah so?"

Allen sighed. "Lavi I don't understand you."

Lavi took a deep breath. "Allen. You of all people should know… " Lavi stood up abruptly, pushing over the chair behind him, "Christmas waits for no one! It is already only four months and 15 days away! The preparations must begin!" With that speech, Lavi started to laugh almost crazily.

"If I'm to be honest with you Lavi, I prefer Halloween over Christmas. "

Lavi went silent and slumped down onto the floor, laying down.

Allen stood up and looked over the table. "Lavi?"

"Don't talk to me I'm dead."

"Uh… No you're not?"

The doors to the Library opened, revealing a freshly showered Kanda. He stared at the scene before him. "What the fuck is going on?"

"Lavi's dead apparently," Allen deadpanned, pointing at said rabbit laying on the floor.

"And why is he dead…?"

Lavi jumped off of the ground and ran towards Kanda, attempting to wrap his arms around the exorcist. "ALLEN SAID HE HATES CHRISTMAS YUU-CHAN!"

Kanda stepped to the side, letting the redhead fall face first into the floor.

"Okay Kanda. Don't listen to him. I never said that. " Allen rushed to say before conclusions that may or may not be true were made.

Kanda raised an eyebrow. "What did you say then?"

"I said I preferred Halloween over Christmas."

"Allen HOW COULD YOU?! IT'S EVEN YOUR BIRTHDAY! HOW COULD YOU ABANDON SUCH A WONDERFUL DAY?!" Lavi shouted, sitting up and pointing accusingly at Allen.

"I think that's kind of what makes me hate it Lavi."

Even Kanda's eyes widened at that one. "Wait. You actually hate Christmas?"

Lavi was in shock. "I was just messing around earlier… but you really do hate it?"

Allen laughed nervously. "Well I'd better go check to see if Jerry's up!" With that he closed his book and left the room, leaving his partner and friend in shock.

Allen fell onto his bed with a sigh, tired from trying to avoid people for the last couple of hours. He wanted to be alone for the rest of the day if he could help it.

He sat up and took a sip from the glass of water on his nightstand. Then he paused.

"I don't remember bringing a glass of water up here. " He said, the realization slowly dawning on him. In a panic he tried to see if there could have been anything in the water, but it was clear; which didn't help his fears in the slightest.

He stood up and paced back and forth. 'What did I drink? What the bloody hell did I drink and how is Komui involved?'

He stopped pacing, feeling suddenly light-headed and dizzy. "Ah… Komui… I'm… I'm going to kill you when….when this is over…"

And then —much to the satisfaction of the people waiting behind his door— a loud thump was heard as Allen fell to the floor unconscious.

 **Allen: I find it amusing that Komui, whether he has any dialogue in the story or not, somehow always gets blamed for stuff like that.**

 **Johnny: It's most likely because it's easy to make a plot convenient thing happen because of something Komui did.**

 **Allen: Most likely.**

 **Johnny: Well anyway! The author doesn't own anything but the plot- oh and! She's interested to see if anyone would follow her on tumblr, so here's the name if you're interested! Exorcist Rei!**

 **Allen: She posts art every once in a while, and mostly just hangs out.**

 **Johnny: Feel free to ask questions!**

 **Kanda: What the fuck are you guys doing?**

 **Allen: Annnnd Bakanda ruined it.**

 **Kanda: Ruined what? It's not like people read these things anyway, and nor would they be interested in that self-advertising thing or whatever the fuck you guys were saying.**

 **Allen: So mean Kanda *sob***

 **Johnny: I wouldn't say he's entirely wrong though Allen...**

 **Allen: *gasp* Not you too Johnny!**

 **Johnny: Ehehehe... Well. I, and the author hoped you all enjoyed, and see you with another chapter whenever the author feels motivated enough to update!**

 **Kanda: So fucking inconsistent.**

 **Allen: *sighs* Let's just go... Bye everyone!**


	12. Chapter 12

"Allen~ Wake up~" A cheery voice sung.

Allen whimpered in pain. Bloody hell did his head hurt.

"Allen~"

He opened one silver eye. "What?" He snapped.

Road waved. "Good Morning!" She greeted.

He opened his other eye and looked around. He was in an inn from the looks of it.

"Did you kidnap me?"

She giggled and floated into the air. "I guess you could call it that! Though you seem pretty calm for someone who was just kidnapped."

"That's because I'm unfortunately certain you would be against hurting me for any reason."

The door to the room opened revealing Tyki Mikk with a tray of pastries. "Ah Shounen! You're awake!"

Allen groaned. "You wouldn't happen to have some painkillers on that tray would you?"

Tyki pointed at the bedside table. "Top drawer."

Allen nodded in thanks and stood to walk over and take the bottle from the drawer; popping two pills into his mouth and swallowing them.

Road sat on the side of the bed as Tyki placed his tray on a nearby table. "Sorry for the headache! But when we heard that you'd started to talk again, we had to see you! Even if it meant taking you away from the Order."

Allen hummed in agreement, drinking a glass of water that Tyki handed him. "How far exactly from the Order are we?"

"Not far," Tyki said, motioning for Allen to sit at the table, "We never left London."

Allen sat down and grabbed a chocolate croissant. "What inn? Do I know it by chance?"

"Probably not. It's quite new."

"Ah."

An awkward silence passed between them.

Road cleared her throat. "So. . . We're here to take you on a date!"

Allen paused mid-chew. "If you know that I've started talking again then you should know—"

She cut him off. "Yeah we know! It's not anything romantic. Just a date between friends!"

". . .right." He finished off his croissant and moved on to try the red velvet cake.

There was a knock on the door. "I'll get it." Tyki mumbled, reaching out to open the door. . . only for it to be slammed against the wall before he even touched the doorknob.

"WHERE'S MOYASHI YOU BASTARDS?!"

Allen sighed and plunged a fork into his cake. "Bakanda. Calm the hell down."

"Yeah Kandi! Don't be so uptight! " Road said with a smile.

"That nickname is even worse than 'Yuu-chan'. Never fucking call me that again." Kanda growled, slowly lowering Mugen to the ground.

"Agreed. Now come on in! Sit down! Eat some cake— okay never mind sorry Allen. It's yours don't worry. Anyway! Have any other pastry! Not the cake!"

"I don't like sweets."

The awkward silence creeped back into the room.

Tyki closed what remained of the door. "Let's just all. . . Have a nice chat hm?"

Kanda sat down across from his Moyashi. "Fine."

Allen raised an eyebrow at him.

"What?"

"Since when were you so agreeable?"

"Che. I've never been agreeable. "

"I know. That's why I'm asking Bakanda.

Road held up her hands in a 'stop' motion. "Alright. I'm going to stop you there."

Tyki nodded. "It really wouldn't be wise of you to continue that conversation.

Kanda scowled. "And why should I listen to you?"

Road wrapped her arms around Allen's neck from behind, causing him to stiffen. "Because I'll kiss him if you don't~" She giggled.

"Don't you fucking dare."

"Listen to us then Kandi!"

"What did I fucking say about that nickname?!"

Allen chuckled nervously while trying to silently ask Tyki to save him. "N-now now. Let's calm down you two."

"Hm? What was that Ally? You want to be kissed by me~?"

Kanda stood up. "I swear if you fucking kiss him I'll—"

"You'll do what? Kandi~"

Kanda growled and grabbed Allen's face, bringing him over the table to kiss him roughly.

Allen whimpered. 'Whhhhhhyyyyyyy' He screeched in his thoughts, blushing enough to be mistaken for an apple.

Road screeched out loud. "OH MY GOODNESS ALLEN IS SO CUUUTE. AHHHHH" She proceeded to then faint.

Allen broke away, flustered. "K-kanda! L-look what you d-did! You m-made her faint!"

"That was the point." Kanda deadpanned.

Allen groaned. "Kanda!" He whined.

Tyki chuckled. "Well I suppose we'll have to postpone that date for another time." He gathered up Road and threw the room keys on the table. "Have fun you two~" He teased, then disappeared.

Kanda blinked. "Date? What date?"

Allen fidgeted. "Something I promised a while ago. Nothing romantic don't worry."

Kanda stood up and walked around the table, wrapping his arms around the Moyashi. "It better not be."

Allen nuzzled into Kanda's shirt. "You're acting weird today. "

"So are you. Are you just going to forget the fact that you avoided us all day yesterday?"

"Yesterday . . . So I've been out for longer than I thought."

"Moyashi . . ."

"It's Allen. Bakanda."

"Fine. Allen. Why were you avoiding us? All you said was that you didn't like Christmas—"

"Did you really need to reiterate that? I feel stupid enough already."

Kanda tilted the whitette's head up to look at him. "Then why did you act that way over it?"

Allen turned his eyes away from Kanda. "I wasn't thinking straight. I had had a nightmare and I just wasn't thinking straight is all. "

"You haven't really answered the question."

"I thought I had said too much. That I'd ruined a friendship or something. I don't know. . . It doesn't make sense to even me now."

Kanda sighed. "If nightmares make you act so distant then I guess I'm just going to have to stay with you. "

Allen furrowed his eyebrows. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The samurai pecked Allen on the mouth. "It means I'm gonna start sleeping with you dumbass."

Allen was confused. "And how would that help my nightmares?"

"You're an idiot."

"Am I really? I personally think I'm being the logical one here. "

"Just try it. And if you don't get nightmares, then we'll continue the arrangement. "

Allen's head dropped. "This seems pretty forced . . . Doesn't it . . .?" He mumbled, burying his face into his lover's chest.

Kanda looked down. "Something wrong Moyashi?"

Allen shook his head. "I'm . . . I'm fine."

"You're not. I can tell that much."

"You're not swearing that much today are you Kanda?"

"Moyashi . . ."

Allen forced a laugh. "How weird!" He pulled away from Kanda, quickly turning to grab the room keys and moving towards the broken door. "We'll have to check out, and apologize for the broken door."

"Moyashi."

"I do wonder if they prepaid for the room. I really do hope so."

"Moyashi stop rambling and listen to me."

Allen opened the door, already practicing his lines for when he would talk to the front desk. "I wonder if I could still get some cake still. That red velvet was bloody good."

"ALLEN WALKER. FOR FUCKS SAKE. LISTEN TO ME."

Allen froze.

Kanda sighed. "Finally. Moyashi we're not leaving until you tell me what the fuck is wrong."

"We."

"We?"

"You said 'we'. As if you really think I'd just go along with whatever you said."

"Moyashi that isn't—"

Allen's voice shook. "I'm going to check out and leave. You're welcome to follow. I don't care really if you do or don't."

Allen slammed the already destroyed door behind him; somberly treading to the front desk and apologizing for the door while handing the lady the keys to the room.

He sharply turned and left the inn; leaving into a dreary London morning. He scoffed. Ironic. London seemed to be reflecting his mood today, as usual. He stomped off in the direction of the Order; knowing he wouldn't get lost due to his familiar knowledge of the city's streets.

He was already nearly at the back road that would take him to the Order when Kanda caught up to him.

"Oi Moyashi! Wait!"

He slipped onto the road, not caring to look back.

Soon a hand was on his shoulder; stopping him from moving.

"Moyashi. What did I do wrong? Did I say something wrong? How can I fix it?" Kanda asked in a worried tone much unlike him.

"It doesn't matter anymore Kanda," Allen sounded miserable, "Let's just go back."

Kanda growled and pushed the younger up against one of the narrow walls. "I'm fucking tired of this bullshit Allen. Tell me what's wrong or I'll force it out of you. "

Allen stared at his own feet; silent.

Kanda internally panicked. "Allen please answer me."

Allen just pushed Kanda off of him. He wanted to go back. Up to his room. Never to come out. He shouldn't of let anyone in. What an idiot he was!

Allen started walking again. Trying not to look up when possible.

They finished the trip to the Order in silence; Allen automatically working his way back up to his room.

Kanda followed him as quietly as possible, determined to fix whatever he did wrong.

Allen opened his door and was immediately pushed inside; yelping in surprise.

Kanda shut the door behind them and locked it.

Allen glared up at Kanda, screwing his mouth shut.

"Allen."

Allen was silent.

Kanda sighed. "I said something wrong. That's what I've concluded. But what exactly did I say wrong? I don't remember saying anything that could hurt you? Unless you really don't want to sleep with me."

Allen got up off the floor and sat on his bed.

Kanda frowned. "But knowing you; I doubt that's the case."

Allen took off his boots and plopped them next to his bed.

Meanwhile, Kanda replayed their conversation in his head. Was he being dense . . .? Maybe the Moyashi took something the wrong way? What could he have taken the wrong way though?

Allen threw a pillow at Kanda. "Get out."

"Oh so now you say something."

"What? I thought you wanted me to talk. I guess not. " Allen said coldly, moving to grab another pillow.

Kanda moved to grab Allen's wrists. "What's wrong with you?! I said I'd sleep with you to ease the nightmares!"

"Yeah but I don't want you sleeping with me if you're only going to force yourself to!" Allen snapped, struggling in Kanda's grip.

Force? Oh. . . Kanda understood now. "You misunderstood."

"What the hell did I misunderstand Kanda?! That you were forcing yourself? That you don't really love m—mph!"

Kanda cut him off with a kiss; pushing the boy gently down onto the bed and climbing on top of him. "Don't be so sure Allen."

 **Allen: 'Don't be so sure Allen' he said. 'Let's just have sex' he said.**

 **Kanda: I know you want me but stop putting words in my mouth.**

 **Allen: WELL MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME THESE LEWD IDEAS I WOULDN'T**

 **Kanda: Someone's huffy.**

 **Allen: YOU—**

 **Okay okay you two. Don't give me a headache please. Let's just get this over with okay? I don't own anything but the story, and I really hope you enjoyed!**


End file.
